It's no secret I'm not a morning person, but for whatever reason, my husband married me anyway. And, in some cruel twist of fate, Batman inherited my husband's love for the morning hour. The scene below represents a typical morning in our household.
5:45 am: BD hops out of bed and clicks his heels together. He eagerly runs for the shower. I'm pretty sure there's a bluebird on his shoulder.
6:00 am: Batman awakens and alerts the household by yelling "Ah!" "Ah!" "Ahhhh!" until BD swings open his bedroom door with gusto.
also at 6:00 am: Both cats burst through our bedroom door, meowing about being locked out from the previous night. Cat with deviated septum and weight problem breathes heavily as she stomps all over my still-sleeping head that is covered with a pillow. Cat with a bell on her collar and anxiety problem meows in displeasure over being abandoned. Attempts to bite amputated tail, while balancing on the pillow on my head, all the while jingling her bell collar. Meowing continues.
6:15 am: Batman and his Da catch up on SportsCenter. I hear "football!" "basketball!" and "good job buddy!"
6:17 am: shuffle shuffle shuffle..."maMA! MAMA! Liiiggghhhtt" Batman shuffles into my room and turns on the nightstand light, a new trick in his repertoire.
6:18 am: stomp stomp stomp [because of course BD has his shoes on already...he's also wearing his name tag, pager, and jacket]. "Come on buddy. Let mama sleep. Turn the light off." stomp stomp stomp.
6:20 am: "liggghttt...slurp slurp...ligghhhttt!" "mamammamamamamamamma" "rooohrraa!" [rohra/lola is the name of cat with curves].
6:20:30 am: STOMP! "C'mon buddy. Let mama sleep. Let's change your diaper and get dressed."
6:21 to 6:30 am: I manage to fall back asleep. I am awakened by the proclamation that my son has a peepee.
6:30 to 6:41 am: I pretend to sleep, while planning my outfit for the day. Let's see, I wore black shoes yesterday, so it's brown today. I fall back asleep a little and wake up again seconds later.
6:41 am: door swings open, light flips on "Come on Babe. Get up." Normally, I will try to negotiate a few more minutes of sleep. By normally, I mean all of the time. By a few more minutes, I mean ten.
6:55 am: I roll out of bed. Begrudgingly. Questioning my life choices of a career that involves daytime hours and the choice to live with other people. As I shuffle to the shower, I turn to see my boys, dressed and ready to leave. Staring at me with their morning happiness just seeping from their beaming faces.
6:56 am: "Kiss mama bye!" "Bye Babe!" "Oh yea...can you move your car? I grabbed your keys for you!" jingle jingle
7:01 am: After returning from moving my car, I realize I need to be dressed, fed, have my lunch packed, with my hair dried in 20 minutes.
7:41 am: Grabbing all of my worldly belongings, I attempt to leave the house.
7:42 am: Return to the house to grab coffee that is left on the table. Open the blinds on my way back to the door. On my way to opening the blinds, I put Batman's toys back in his toy basket and hide our iPad in a drawer...just in case a robber would peek through our blinds. On the way to putting the iPad in the drawer, I put the TV remote on the TV stand, still thinking of said robber. At least my house will look tidy.
7:43 am: Question why I open the blinds anyway and remember for less than the price of a can of coke a day, I could have a security system.
7:44 am: Make it to my car and back out of the driveway. Most likely driving into my neighbor's grass [who is, coincidentally peeking out of her blinds, probably watching for robbers].
7:47 am: Call my mom and rehash everything that has happened in my life since we last spoke ten hours ago. And trust me, it's a lot.
8:22 am: Park my car and head into work, promising myself that tomorrow, I will be at work by 8 am. Briefly consider complaining to my husband about being later-than-I-wanted to work, but then remember that I can no longer hear an alarm ring and have come to trust him to wake me up. Decide to let that subject rest.
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